净，琉 璃。

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我的梦想时————

river flows in you

光线+卖艺者=所有诗意的情感

我的现在时————

很久没有说话，发现自己对于生活越来越迷惑，到底我在过着怎样的日子，要过怎样的生活，为什么，究竟是什么让我失去所有想要表达的欲望呢？

我越来越怀疑自己真的加一是物理么？对不起，这样的疑问是不是很愚蠢呢？但是我日益想念某个老太，这样的想念让我觉得自己很无能为力。所有的怀念无非是因为现在过的不够幸福，在我看来至少是这样的。

有的时候你知道作某一件事情是你应该作的，你必须作的，可是你就是不想作，然后再等着让自己失望，这样是不是很可笑呢？而我现在就是这样的状态。那日悦悦在QQ上发给我的话然我怅然失所。是的，他说的全对，我知道，我全都知道。

最近时常把耳机开得很响，听王若琳的《Vincent》歌词写的好

starry, starry night.
paint your palette blue and grey,
look out on a summer's day,
with eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
shadows on the hills,
sketch the trees and the daffodils,
catch the breeze and the winter chills,
in colors on the snowy linen land.

now i understand what you tried to say to me,
how you suffered for your sanity,
how you tried to set them free.
they would not listen, they did not know how.
perhaps they'll listen now.

starry, starry night.
flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
swirling clouds in violet haze,
reflect in vincent's eyes of china blue.
colors changing hue,
morning field of amber grain,
weathered faces lined in pain,
are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

now i understand what you tried to say to me,
how you suffered for your sanity,
how you tried to set them free.
they would not listen, they did not know how.
perhaps they'll listen now.
for they could not love you,
but still your love was true.
and when no hope was left in sight
on that starry, starry night,
you took your life, as lovers often do.
but i could have told you, vincent,
this world was never meant for one
as beautiful as you.

starry, starry night.
portraits hung in empty halls,
frameless head on nameless walls,
with eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
like the strangers that you've met,
all the ragged men in the ragged clothes,
the silver thorn of bloody rose,
lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.
now i think i know what you tried to say to me,
how you suffered for your sanity,
how you tried to set them free.
they would not listen, they're not listening still.
perhaps they never will...

总是试着去揣摩那种语气缓缓地唱这首歌，每次听这首歌时，我总会浮现出一个有着china blue眼睛的男人，轮廓分明，凝视我。也会想到在夜晚的房间里点上一直蜡烛，跟着音乐跳着最后一支舞。或许我们要用很长很长的时间去忘记一些东西，你以为你忘记了，但是当你试着回忆他们的时候，所有的场景全部都涌出，像是关不上的水龙头。

昨日再看别人写的欧洲游记，我很很认真的一页页看，突然我那么那么怀念一个月之前的时光。我的梦想没有实现呐。我去的时候巴黎总是天阴沉沉的，我没有登上埃菲尔，没有在那里写下一张明信片寄给自己，没有在罗浮宫认真看完每一样展品。虽然戴高乐给我留下不那么好的印象，但是这都不妨碍我想再次踏上那片土地。当我用笑着的语气跟妈妈说：“我好想再去一次欧洲。”的时候我觉得自己要哭了，可是原因呢？我也不知道，我只是想重返罗马，重返威尼斯，重返佛罗伦萨，重返巴黎。我那么热爱一路上我所看到的。我知道我的相机太小了，怎么能装下这天地之美，怎么能装下我的勇气。当我在照片上写下：remember your courage 的时候眼泪都要掉下来了。这样的寻找自己的旅途中我略带想念，只是我希望能再次走过某一条路，然后悄悄在心里说：嘿，你还记得我么？

没有勇气去想未来的未来。只好低头做好自己的事情，那些让我觉得枯燥无味没有灵感的事情。当我看到豆子他们社团的计划时激动的不得了，那大概是我丢失的热情。我已经没有任何热情去投入某一个活动了。最近的天气让人觉得很压抑，不断地雨，冻得我脚冰凉冰凉的。而我有着大批大批的时间来做作业，但总觉得时间不够用。所以我觉得自己很罪恶。

那么知道了么？我没有更多更多的耐心来安慰你，因为我觉得我难以驾驭自己，很久没有的脾气又上来了，心气浮躁，失去热情。我很想像初三那样热爱物理，但是我难以控制自己沉重的眼皮。

是不是真的没有其他办法了呢？是不是呢？

如果我找到了，请你吃饭